Fancy
Dear Friends,
I think many of us have grown up thinking that their lives are better than they are, only when we’re adults we come to the realisation we’re not. When I think about my family background and my upbringing it's clear to me now. Coming from migrants during the Windrush, living off state benefits and school dinners, to having educational needs which made me even more disadvantaged. However, if my family from 60 years ago would see what I’ve become, they sure as hell would say I'm fancy, but even myself feel like I’ve come up a bit.
When you're a child you don’t know much about the world. I grew up in the 90s, we didn't get as much information as we do now. So growing up as a child you kind of have this ignorance bubble where you know nothing, and accept mostly what is going on. This is why when you think about it on the face of it, the kids who were poor didn't know they were poor. Which is something I didn’t know for a long time.
I’m blaming anyone, or claiming the reason I lived a certain way is the fault, or cause of this thing. It’s just what it is. Looking back at a lot of what happened, and what I'm used to and still doing just makes sense to me. It’s only when I speak to people who never grew up that way, makes it very clear our ideas of normal do not match up. There were a lot of things that were rationalised that did and didn’t make sense. Such as, having cereal for dinner, that one was something I loved. It made sense, but it was a very clear indicator.
While another, was getting used to not asking for things. Which as a parent is a good call, otherwise you become spoiled. Now I think back some of the stuff I wanted I didn't get because we couldn’t afford it, but I did get what I needed. Even if it meant, I didn’t get the same trainers as everyone else. With all of this I still feel lucky to live the life I had, as there were a lot of people who didn’t have things I had. Hell, there are even kids today that don't even have what I had then.
Getting into education is one of the best things I have ever done. I’ve said it before, and I'll say it again, it’s given my life meaning. It also has given my life clarity. When you are learning that some kids in 2022 do not have a home internet connection is eye opening. I’ve had a home internet connection since 2003/2, yet there are some kids who don’t have that. This goes hand in hand with owning a computer. While some don't even have money to buy food, when the canteen is closed. The gap and struggle is real.
Which brings more eye opening things about myself. At time of writing, I just had more training on people of colour and their success rates and boy is that a doozy. I won’t go into it, but you can look into it. Mainly what I know, people like me (black males in impoverished backgrounds) do not amount to much. Sad as that is, I don’t think anyone is surprised by that. However, it gets worse. When you factor in a learning need (dyslexia) and then add mental health issues (Depression) the success rate is below poor. Which is why me being a black educator, with a list of disadvantages is nothing short of dedication.
What does all this have to do with me being fancy? Well, my work has allowed me to get into a position that I am in now. Doing what I do has a lot of struggles, and I don’t just mean external factors. I mean internal ones. Obviously because of my learning needs, I need to be working twice as hard as anybody. My work is looked at closer to because my bosses know my issues. While always having to do self checking with my mental health, something I consistently worried about getting into this “stressful job”. All of this doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
As I found out that 60% of English schools do not have a person of colour in the teaching staff, I feel privileged to be in the position that I am sitting in. As I know what I am doing in the bigger picture is the best thing I can be doing. Even though a lot of students don't think that I come from a similar background like them, and making the most of the situation. I like to think of myself as a role model for young black men out there. You can be something, and make a decent living without having to resort to illegal activity. I might seem posh to them, but that’s just me being professional. I used to speak like them, I just don’t now, except for very rare circumstances.
As of right now, I feel like I need to be in a potion of influence. Not because I’m trying to push my agenda. More like to push the agenda for people of colour. The state the word is in right now, with some much hate being thrown about. We need more people who are in the positions that they are in, all thanks to initiatives afforded to my family way back when. Without them, I would be where I am. Trying to make things better for some. I know that impact isn’t going to be felt for a few years yet, but at least I have done my bit.
Do I think I’m fancy? I have to say yes right? I mean I have a home, my bills are paid on time. I have no debt, except for the student loans (we don’t think about those). I can buy my video games and Lego, I know I can afford them. I have a job where I make a decent wage, and have been promised to be rising the ranks. Which means more money and more responsibility. I think if my family back in St Lucia were to hear about me, they would think I am posh Englishman.
The one person I wish I could hear about my success would be my Granddad. As he came here for a better life, it might have beena gamble, but thanks to him I am able to have a good life. At least from a professional stand point. Of course, my Mum also pays a big factor into all of this. As I can see how in similar situations some people haven’t been going or been in the same trajectory that I have been.
I am going to continue to be who I am, and never forget about my humble beginnings. I know I am never going to be a millionaire, or drive a fancy car. Just so long as I can be a positive statistic, and know that I can afford to eat, I feel that's just fancy enough.
Xo FabEs
