Friend Like Me (Take 2)

Dear Friends, 

I have been thinking a lot about the friends I have. I’ve been thinking, do I have enough, do I need more, or am I at that part of my life where these pretty much are the friends I am going to have for the next 30 years? Maybe picking up the odd one or two, along the way. I don't know, but I have been thinking about it. 

When I think about the friends I currently have they know the deal. I'm there to help them, big up them and help them talk it out. You know the normal friend stuff. What they should know, when I am asking them something it's not to judge, it’s to get another perspective on the situation I might be thinking of, or going through. They know Sundays I will check in, just because that's the deal. They also know, when it comes to Christmas, I do it because I want, not because I like to receive. I think it is pretty simple stuff. 

I have been thinking about how some people have massive friend groups. They have group chats and I am hanging out with friends this weekend. In my mind, I always think that it has to be a large group of people. This is all based on what I see when I am out on a weekend. Whereas for me, I am always meeting a friend, singular. Does this make me the odd ball? Maybe. 

I don’t have a lot of friends who overlap. Sure, they know each other thanks to birthdays and group gatherings, but I couldn’t see B hanging out with A, or A hanging out with M. It wouldn't make any sense. I mean I know these friends from different parts of life, and why we’re still friends is based on different reasons. I personally think this makes me a better friend to these people. As I get to know them individually, and be able to have conversations and do events with them. 

I bring this up, as someone recently told me, “I have a lot of friends.” I’m thinking, is this a flex in 2025? Hell is this a flex once you’re over 30? The thing is I don’t know, leave me a comment so I know if I'm wrong. But I do think in gay world I think this is a mark of a successful life, as I know many don’t have family, they just have friends. When I think of it like that it makes sense. Then does this making me lacking? 

I think a lot of the people who claim to have a lot of friends, are these friends local or not local. Do they see them often as well, yet I  wonder if they speak them frequently too. Is it a matter of we’re all busy, but we’re still friends. I’m not sure. Once again let me know. 

I do think some of these people who have a lot of friends, get lost within these friends, and do not do well when they are their own. Where I think I am different. I can do well with myself as well being in a group or with a singular person. I also think that I can be comfortable with silence, just not needing the constant talking needed. Which I think signifies the growth of the friendship. A lot of this thinking didn’t come from nowhere. It came from me meeting a new friend this year. Something I was trying to force, just a conversation with another gay man about my hobbies, gaming, of course it went well, and I think it seems fine. We talk about games and like, and I’m really trying to push a Lego addiction on to him. It all seems smooth. Did I feel like this friend adds something to my roster? Yes I think it's nice to have more people to talk gaming with, just need to work on doing the actual gaming with them. 

I did also get in contact with a friend from primary school. Which is always nice to reconnect with people who knew you before you went dark and crazier inside. However, this didn’t go anywhere. As we spoke for about a week, and now they are ghosting me. Why? Most likely because I learned a few things about them sexually, and got embarrassed, or just didn’t like hearing things about me. I can only speculate. 

What I do know, currently a lot of friends are going through a hard time right now. Which makes the writing of this post very timely. What I am going to do is be there for them in any way I can. This will be done with, or without being asked. Not to butt in, but to give support, where I know I can. 

Editor FabEs here, as I just about to post this, I am making my Christmas list. When I spoke to someone about buying gifts, they told me they only had to get them for their parents. When I think about this, and the friends they have, do they not get a gift for a singular friend. Sure I know some friends do gifts, but the fact there isn’t a singular consideration makes me suspect of the friendships this person has. Once again, am I a minority here? Or it just the way I have always been? Once again let me know. 

Do I think I am the best friend in the world, no. I think I do okay, which is all I really care about. I would love to be a great friend to all, and I think I could be that to some people, but not to all. I know people want to be good to all, I just want to be a consistent friend. Knowing some people come in and out of your life, and you just have to accept that. All I know is when the people who come and go, they have never had a friend like me. 

Xo FabEs